Below My Feet
by Blackbiird
Summary: " For once in her life, she was putting herself first, she wasn't used to it & she's always been afraid of the unknown. At this moment, she was doing what I've been trying to teach her since I met her. She was thinking & caring for her own heart. I would be fucking proud of her if it wasn't my heart she was breaking in the process. "


**M**y whole life was crashing down below my feet.

Here she was, standing straight in front of me, her eyes full of determination. Her delicate hands were shaking, she seemed confident in the way she was talking but her words were made of nothing but exhaustion. For once in her life, she was putting herself first, she wasn't used to it & she's always been afraid of the unknown. At this moment, she was doing what I've been trying to teach her since I met her. She was thinking & caring for her own heart. I would be fucking proud of her if it wasn't my heart she was breaking in the process.

I'm not going to lie; I kind of knew this was coming. Lately, she's been distant, silent & sad. She's been everything but Brooke Davis. Don't get me wrong, I didn't see the break up coming. God, I never thought it was that bad..! But if I'm being honest with myself; something she's been trying to teach **me** since we've met, I knew her "I'm okay, Luke. Go back to sleep" actually meant "Please, close your eyes so I can cry me heart out in peace." I knew she wasn't fine & worse than that, I knew we weren't fine. At all. I spent so much time focusing about my own pain & grief that I didn't realize she was hurting too. Now I do. But it's too late.

She's not hurting anymore. Hurting means caring & she's done caring about us, about me. She let go. I believe she still cared at Naley's wedding, though. Her break down was the beginning of the end. She got everything out of her chest in a last attempt to save our relationship & I blamed her. I accused her of wanting to ruin our relationship when all she was actually doing was trying to fix it. That was her last fight; I knocked her down & she was done.  
When she asked me to dance with her I thought she was showing me she wasn't mad. I thought it was her way of telling me that we were okay. I couldn't be further from the truth. She asked me to dance with her because Brooke Davis needs to finish the things she's started. We stopped in the middle of the wedding dance because I told her I kissed Peyton. She didn't want us to end with an unfinished business. She needed us to have our proper last dance; she needed closure. She took my hand & leaned her head on my chest for the last time. That was it. That was her breaking up with me. Our relationship was over before she even showed up tonight. I just didn't understand. I've never been good when it came to understand her. Brooke speaks with actions while I only know how to read words.

I remember one time, after one of our fights; I went to Nathan's because Brooke literally kicked me out of my own room. Typical Brooke, right? Anyway, Nathan joked about how funny it was after all the practice I had that I didn't know how to speak Brooke fluently. He handed me _Love Me If You Dare_, went to the kitchen & came back a few seconds later with a cake in his hands. "Her favorite movie & my mom's best cake", he said. I remember his grin when he saw the confused look on my face. "When you're having trouble with translation, it's always good to use a dictionary, right?" I thought a lot about his statement & I came to the conclusion that if Brooke was a language she would be Chinese & I would be a nearsighted old man trying to read without his glasses on.  
I've always been curious about Brooke & Nate's relationship. Nathan knows how to talk to her, he knows how to make her laugh when she's trying to be serious & he's the only one beside Peyton who can handle an angry Brooke… Brooke knows what to tell Nathan when he's about to explode, she knows if he's pleased about his game or not just by the way he hugs her & she's the only one aloud to drive his car. They've got more inside jokes than Haley and I! I don't know or understand a lot about their friendship but what I know is that they care for each other, a lot. It gets me thinking, what am I going to do without Brooke's friendship? How am I going to live without her consideration?

She's kissing me now, her right hand warming my neck for what might be the last time. I don't know what to do or say. I want to hold her in my arms, tell her I'm an idiot. I should tell her how her support, kindness & love towards me & my mom after Keith died made me fall in love with her all over again. I should tell her a lot more. This is the perfect timing for a third speech, Lucas Scott!  
I see her back now & the only thing that comes out of my mouth is "I'm sorry." And it's true. I'm sorry for so much stuff. I'm sorry for some things that I said. I'm even sorrier for some things I didn't but should have said. I'm sorry for always seeing how strong she is & therefore never acknowledging her weakness. I'm sorry I chose Peyton over her way too many times. I'm sorry she thinks I only see her as my "Pretty Girl" when she's a damn beautiful woman. But I'm speechless & she turns around & faces me, with her hand on the doorknob. She looks at me with such disappointment in her eyes & I swear I never wanted to cry that much in my entire life. The way she's looking at me right now is too much. She's breaking my heart even more when I hear her replying "Yeah, me too." She shouldn't be apologizing; she has nothing to be sorry for. I messed up, not her. I made her feel unwanted; I let her think that I didn't miss her, that she wasn't loved or needed. She's out now, I can still see her on the porch but she's already gone. She closed the door & I can't help but think that she closed her heart too.

* * *

This is it!  
I wrote this little thing a while ago & forgot I had it.  
I hope you enjoyed it. There's a little "Brathan" stuff because I couldn't help myself.  
I apologize right away for the possible mistakes. But hey! I'm French & I always have trouble with tense but I'm working on it! Don't hesitate to correct me if I made some. :)

And of course, reviews are welcome & appreciated!  
Have a nice day, people!


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